Seal Park

It was 60 degrees yesterday, so Roan and I hit the swings...

Grandpas

Grandpa Lyons and Roan (4 months)

Grandpas have it good. They hold the baby, and when the baby gets fussy, they hand it off to someone else. They supervise diaper changes, pretending to help. And when they get tired or bored, they let their heads fall back and snore. Since they nod off quite suddenly, sometimes you don't realize that a Grandpa is asleep, and you'll ask him a question or make some passing remark. He'll wake up 10 minutes later, answer your question or defend himself, as the case may be, and swear up and down he was never asleep.

Grandpa Mac and Roan (5 months)

Last week Grandpa Mac came to visit. He got in late, so the first time he saw Roan was when I passed him off around 3AM after a feeding.

"Just bounce him for a while," I told Grandpa Mac, "and he'll eventually go to sleep."

"He doesn't look sleepy," said Grandpa Mac.

"He is. He just doesn't know it. You have to convince him." And I went to bed.

I wake up half an hour later because Roan is making noises... is he laughing? Yes. Grandpa Mac is playing Super Baby. A game where you fly the baby around the room and exclaim in a loud voice: "Super Baby!" Except Grandpa Mac was whispering, so we wouldn't wake up and bust him.

"Dad," I say, and my voice is full of frustration and disappointment. "It's the middle of the night. What the hell?" It's funny because 15 years ago my father was asking me this same question, with this same tone. But sleep deprivation tends to rob you of your sense of humor. I am pissed.

"He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to play," Grandpa Mac says in his defense.

And this is how Grandpas get out of Night Duty.

Stool Sample

We decided to have Roan's poop tested. Because it's super nasty. I promise not to describe it, or post photos, because I understand that some people don't have babies, and don't spend their free time thinking about poop. Ah, I remember those days (insert nostalgic sigh).

Collecting a stool sample should be simple. At least that's what Jay thought when he showed up at the lab with one of Roan's dirty diapers.

"Ha ha ha," said the lab. "As if! Please fill these three test tubes until they are overflowing with poop. And don't spill the preservative. And please, get that dirty diaper out of here."

So, later that night Roan pooped. And we attempted to transfer the poop from his diaper to the tubes. The lid of each tube is equipped with the most miniscule spoon you've ever seen. Seriously, if we were use this tiny spoon to scoop the poop, we might have had the stool sample ready by Roan's tenth birthday. So we found alternate methods. One tube was nearly full when Jay knocked it over, spilling poo, and the preservative.

The next day, Jay returned to the lab with the two tubes.

"Not nearly enough," said the lab. "And here's this really enormous jar we forgot to give you the first time. Fill it up."

The lab wouldn't even take the two tubes that were ready, so we had to bring them back home. Is there an appropriate place to put two tubes of poop? The bathroom seemed wrong, but the kitchen and the bedroom were even worse.

We waited. And waited. A day passed, and no poop. Another half day passed. Roan seemed to sense how desperately we needed him to go, and clammed right up. In the meantime, two tubes of poop sat mockingly on our windowsill, behind a family photo.

Robot explains that he is on poo strike until his demands are met:

Finally: more poop. Just enough to fill the third test tube. I didn't worry about the jar; that had to be a joke - something we hallucinated in the haze of sleep deprivation. I went to the lab with confidence and the relief that comes from a hard job finally complete.

Grandpa Mac, Robot, and Robot poo accompany me to The Lab, full of hope:

Of course, when we got to the lab, it wasn't enough, and they sent us back home with another Big Jar.

"Your husband was really confused," the lab receptionist said. "Did you know he tried to give me a dirty diaper?" I just smile and beg her to take the three tubes of poo it has taken all week for us to collect. "Okay," she finally says, "I'll just keep these here until you come back with the jar."

A small success, but to me it felt huge. I walked away with a lighter step, and empty pockets.

Examination

Roan got some vaccinations today: DTap, Polio, Hib, Pneumococcus, and Rotavirus. After he reacted so badly to the first round of these vaccines, we were well prepared with Baby Tylenol.

He is five months old today, weighs 16 pounds 4 ounces, and is 26 inches tall. This medical examination must have inspired him to indulge in a bit of self examination at home:

New Toy II

To change it up, we put the new toy on the windowsill. 7 more stages:

1. Engaged

2. Distracted

3. In the mouth

4. On the move

5. Studious

6. The Pundit / Lets Make a Deal

7. Chunk Cheeks


At this point Roan became more interested in my camera than the toy.

New Toy I

We got Roan a new toy. It's a complicated toy, and needed thorough examination. Their relationship progressed along the following 7 stages:

1. Disbelief / Gratitude. Like seriously guys, you got this for me?

2. Introductions. Ro talks to the toy.

3. Mistrust. Why isn't the toy responding?

4. Ro views the toy from a new angle.

5. Ro pushes the toy. This is exciting. Things are looking up. Accompanying happy sounds.

6. Another perspective.

7. Abandonment of interest. The floor is better.

More Recovering

Day 5 (aka Sunday)

Here is Roan having Naked Play, which is something that Jay and I made up to pass the time between getting the Robot naked, and getting his shower/bath ready.  Because all babies should spend some time sans diaper.  He's only gets modest like this when the camera's around.

Day 6

Day 7 (today)