Family Bed

Jay and I have turned into the type of parents we vowed to never become. We are co-sleepers.

We are not happy about this, and neither is Roan, who I occasionally wake to see standing beside our bed, like the ghost of our co-sleeping future, a terrible place where we share our queen sized bed with two children and are never truly alone. His gaze is full of sadness and anger - he knows we did not co-sleep with him, that this is not fair treatment. At least this is what I imagine his gaze is saying. I can't really see anything without my glasses.

Ilan is the only one who is happy about this. You'd think that with 3 against 1 we would vote him out. But our family is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship ruled by a 7-week-old baby.

Ilan does have a crib. It is in our bedroom and is a very convenient place to store all the laundry we've been meaning to fold. We put him in it when he's in the middle of a particularly long nap and we want him to wake up.

We've also borrowed a bassinet. It is called the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper and is attached to my side of the bed. It is the perfect place to keep all of my electronic devices within "arm's reach." I keep my laptop, iPad, cell phone, digital camera, and breast pump in there. Everything I need to keep me occupied during those endless breastfeeding sessions.

There are two benefits to co sleeping. The first is that Ilan stays asleep. He's been sleeping this amazing stretch from about 9 to 3. (He sleeps best nuzzled in Jay's armpit, so that his head constantly smells like my husband's B.O.) This big sleep enables me to get through the day without napping, so I can spend quality time with Roan while Ilan naps.

The second benefit is harder to quantify. If Jay were a superhero, his superpower would be the ability to put things to sleep. And co-sleeping gives his superpower an all around boost. Ilan will not sleep in just any armpit. For example, he will not sleep in mine. In fact, I can't get any of Jay's sleep tricks to work on Ilan. Here's a common scenario: I've spent an hour trying everything to get my crying, strung out son to sleep; I hand him over to Jay and he's out in minutes. When the going gets rough Jay pulls out what I've dubbed the "Man Cave" technique, where he takes Ilan into our spare room, turns out all the lights and turns on a space heater, blasts some white noise, and sits in front of the computer reading ESPN.com. Somehow, this results in Ilan peacefully snoozing in the spare bed. Needless to say, when I try to replicate Man Cave, it never ever works.

It's good for Jay to have his own thing. I have Breastfeeding. But Jay's got Armpit and Man Cave.

In the beginning we talked about how terrible it was that we were co-sleeping, and how imperative it was to get Ilan out of our bed. But now we've grown complacent, or just too worn out to break with routine. And there's something else: Ilan is my last baby, and there's something about this that gives me more patience with him. No other baby will be comforted by my body heat and smell. And if that makes me more indulgent with this baby...and even with Roan, then fine, okay. I can deal with having a family bed. For now.