Thank You Letter

Dear Nurses at St. Lukes Roosevelt Neonatal Intensive-Care Unit,

My son, Roan Michael Lyons, was born on election day and stayed in the NICU from November 5th until November 7th, 2008. It was only two days, so you probably don't remember us. At 7 pounds Roan was the biggest baby in both rooms, and I was one of those impassioned-about-breastfeeding moms who barely left his side, even during the shift changes when everyone was supposed to go. I remember you would look at Roan's size and appetite and ask, "what is he doing here?" It was meant to be a comforting question but it would always made me cry because we didn't know. Roan had stopped breathing the day after he was born. The tests started with his heart. When that was clear they moved to his brain, then his lungs. When those were clear there were more tests, and we waited to see if he'd stop breathing again.

In the meantime, you taught me how to get a good latch and use a breast pump. You taught me how to change his diaper in the isolette, with all those wires in the way. You told us not to rely on the monitors, but I remember how terrified I was when the all the wires came off - how would we know if his oxygenation levels were okay? Before we left you taught us how to give him a sponge bath and use a car seat. You were the first to show me the details of how to be a mother.

In the end no one could say for sure why Roan had stopped breathing. A barium swallowed led to a reflux diagnosis, which was the likely cause. We got a Zantac prescription and discharge papers. I was relieved and happy but also panicked: I didn't want to bring him home without all of you there with me.

At 18 months I no longer worry that my son will stop breathing. I worry about bumps and bruises and is he eating enough vegetables - universal worries that all parents share. I don't often think about those never ending days in the NICU, but when I do I remember all the small kindnesses and am overcome with gratitude. Maybe you were just doing your jobs, but it felt like so much more to me. The NICU was my whole world and you kept it turning. Thank you.

Cameron McClure

"Baby Boy McClure"