*What motherhood means to Erica, mother to 3-month-old Zachary*
On November 20th, 2010 motherhood was pain. Gone were any sweet thoughts of carefully folded onsies, perfectly coordinated bedding, and over-priced birth announcements. That baby needed to get the hell out of my body---right now. Our 41 week co-habitation was coming to an intense end in ways that only a first-timer could not have imagined.
Eventually Zachary did make his appearance, and since then motherhood has been many things.
Motherhood is wanting so badly for the little one to take a nap, but when the nap goes on and on, wanting even more badly for him to wake up and begin the endless feed, burp, change, sing, read, cuddle and soothe cycle.
Motherhood is speeding home after an hour away, and wanting to know in great detail everything that happened during those 60 minutes.
Motherhood is having the intention of writing this essay for two whole months, but never finding the right moment---always too busy or too tired.
Sometimes my life feels like a Norman Rockwell painting. I adore my handsome husband, my baby boy is so sweet and perfect, we have a comfortable home, the fireplace is lit, the Christmas decorations are still up-----and all I really have to do all day is love my baby. Well, that and lose 15 pounds, write a thesis, keep up the house, and somehow continue advancing my career…. But whatever, these snap shot moments are blissful, and I have experienced a contentment in these past two months that is refreshingly new.
Of course there are the Rockwell outtakes. A neighbor would be more likely to peek in our window and see this less than idyllic scene: I am half-dressed, Zachary has been fussy/screaming bloody murder and the blow-dryer/vacuum trick is not working but both appliances are still running full blast, Clint is a minute late and I am literally staring out the window willing him to pull up in the red Jeep and save me, and the part of me that's dressed has been wearing the same annoying pants for two months now because they are the only ones that fit.
If I said motherhood was always a dream I would be lying---and all you other mothers would know it. But I can say that I have discovered love that I didn’t think possible, a pride that I have never before felt (I have finally learned to use a camera! And I'm taking pictures!), and sometimes, despite my sleep-deprivation, I just cannot wait for my little one to wake up. I’m sure all you other mothers out there know the feeling.
*Erica* January 24, 2011* *420 words*