Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Crazy Lady

Tomorrow is Roan's first field trip with Chai Tots, to the Brooklyn Children's Museum. And I'm not letting him go.

I like to think of myself as a relaxed parent, but today I turned into a crazy lady. I kept fixating on the field trip, with a feeling that I finally recognized as dread. What scares me is that this field trip is the perfect opportunity for a kidnapper to single out Roan and kidnap him.

Yes, I am convinced that someone at the Brooklyn Children's Museum wants to kidnap my son. I know this is a crazy thing to think, but knowing that doesn't make me any less certain. I spoke to another mom about my fears, and she tried to make me feel better. She said something like, "everyone at the children's museum is there with a child." But who knows? I've never tried to go alone, but maybe they would let me in. And the fact that this mom thinks the Children's Museum is safe makes it the perfect place for kidnappers! Everyone's guard is down! All a kidnapper has to do is pay the $7 admission fee. Or maybe they have an annual pass.

I talked to another mom who confessed that she was nervous about the whole riding-in-a-bus-without-a-car-seat thing. Now that right there is some unfounded paranoia. We rarely have the opportunity to drive over 25 mph in our neighborhood. I brushed her off, bringing the conversation back around to my kidnapping scheme, which I had planned out in absurd detail. But later, after we'd hung up, I thought about the bus and how easy it would be for Roan to run out in the street and be hit by a car or a bike. The teachers and chaperones can't keep an eye on every child at all times. What if he doesn't listen? He's 2. He pretty much has an advanced degree in not listening.

To ease my nerves I made a homemade dog tag that Roan could wear around his neck, with all his personal information and our cell phone numbers. But Roan refused to wear it and when I finally got it on him I realized it was probably a choking hazard. What was worse, being lost in a museum where nobody knows who you are, or being strangled by your own ID card?

Ultimately, I e-mailed Roan's teachers and asked if I could come. Probably they will say no, since I waited until the night before the field trip to come up with this plan of action. The kidnapping scenarios kept my mind occupied all day, and it's only recently I've been able to think clearly. If they don't let me come I'll stay home with Roan and work on Thursday.

When Jay came home I explained the change of plans. He was diplomatic. He mentioned several times that there was a bottle of wine on the table.

It's embarrassing to admit that I'm a worrywart mother. I called my own mom to get some perspective. She tried to talk me off the ledge of maternal paranoia, and when she saw that wasn't going to happen, she threw in the towel and admitted that she went on every single field trip until I was in high school.

I feel better now. It's obviously genetic, this Crazy Lady thing. May as well embrace it and get on with life. Which will include a lot more field trips than I'd planned for.


  1. This made me laugh out loud. NOT because I think you're crazy. I just love the way you described all of this. An annual pass...

  2. For the kidnapper on a budget, the annual pass is a real steal.

  3. This is hilarious...I do remember Mom on all our field-trips...